Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Restless Leg Syndrome

Probably the most annoying medical condition out there. Both my mom and I suffer from this. It feels like ants are crawling inside your skin and the only way to make them stop is to move your legs..or atleast thats what you think. Never works. I always have to get up and walk around the apartment doing lunges.

Now for the real RLS....My insides.

I heard this quote on a preview for a movie.."I dont know if i have what it takes for everyones regular plan" My Fear. Im bored. I feel i can predict the rest of my life..in a nut shell, not all the little details of course, and it freaks me out. I got the promotion ive been working my ass off for, and now what? Work ten hour days, crunching numbers all day everday to hit the goals for the month and get that bonus at the end of the month..with a satisfaction i can only enjoy until the first of the month when it starts all over again meeting quota. My months are going by so fast and its freaking me out. They are divided into this: beginning of the month, lots of paper work, orders for the spa, reviews, goals. Then the beginning of the month quickly turns into mid month, where i can gage how well my spa is doing in sales and how likely it is that im going to bonus at the end of the month. Then theres the dreaded end of the month. 13-14 hour days. everyday. Until midnight on the 30th or 31st. By this time I know exactly what I need to bring in everyday to hit my goals.Last week at the end of the month i worked 64 hours in 5 days. Some months its easier than others, depending on the goals for the month (which always have to be 110% of the sales last year). Can you see how its just a cycle?

Yesterday I freaked myself out because im trying to plan trips that ive worked so hard to afford and I cant. Theres no opportune time in my job to miss because that means i may not bonus that month, and its not just the money, if i dont bonus people higher than me dont bonus and yada yada. For an extreme ppl pleaser as my self..its a nightmare.

Solution:
I want to pack up and move. Not to a different city..to a different country. I dont want a white husband (sorry mom and dad) or even a husband at all! I dont want kids, I dont want a white picket fence, I dont want a job that i work to live for. I want a hobby. I know myself, if im not happy ill go to EXTREME (scorpio) measures to get there

Im reading this book right now called "blue bird; women and the new psychology of happiness" i got it at a garage sale for a buck! It spoke to my soul. It basically says that women in todays society are made to feel bad if they dont want a family or a husband or whatever it is "good women should do" They are selfish. So these guilt ridden women go grab hemselves a husband, if they are lucky they will be faithful, and pop out a kid or 2. and these women are still unhappy. The busy work they have to do to take care of their family keep them occupied, but when its quiet and just themselves they realize they are not happy. So whats the difference? You are not going to get the best of someone if they are doing something they really dont want to be doing.

I think its perfectly ok to be selfish sometimes. Do what you need to do to be TRULY happy. Then, you will be able to give the best of yourself to others around you...whether it be one special person, or many.

Selfishly yours,
Tiffany

4 comments:

  1. Try Italy. The gelato will change your life.

    Love you.


    -Samantha

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  2. Tiffy I'm glad you're back! I love your insight. I feel like we're in a similar rut. The life of a sales rep is something of a nightmare. I've sprung more gray hairs in the past year than in my whole life put together. What exactly is a 40 hour work week because I'm pretty sure I've never participated!!! Numbers. Numbers. Numbers. I hate it. I'm currently staring 25% in the face... that'd be 25% of my goal for the year that is already in, not what's left. That's all I have in the books. And it's October. AHHH! Sorry to write my own blog entry in the comment area. Just felt like I could identify with you. You're a wild spirit. Be free. Don't let all this build up until you have a 5-alarm meltdown like I usually do.

    Keep writing :)

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  3. Tiff...when I heard about the whole promotion thing I figured you'd be working a lot more, but that's ridiculous...I mean the whole leaving the country thing...it is THE extreme as you said, but I mean isn't the real problem the job? I mean it sounds like all work and no play...which in that case..what's the point of living in the city in the first place? I dunno...just a thought...hope you figure it out.

    - Bry

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  4. deedles. i've been pondering what i wanted to write. after much thought, my comments are as follows:
    1. you are fantastic at your job. even if it's not what you want in the long run, you HAVE and WILL succeed at whatever you choose to do in life.
    2. i, myself, have had a craving to move to another country. how's about we move to london when our lease is up? we have a few years experience under our belts. someone would have to hire us, right??
    3. RLS sucks. i've had it too. and it's awful.
    4. okay, this might sound weird at first but just follow me...could it be possible that a 'regular schedule' could be the one thing that you haven't done yet? that this 'regular schedule' might be the adventure that you have to experience for right now? you're a free spirit, let the wind take you kind of personality, so maybe if you view this promotion as your next adventure, would that be enough to change your outlook and make you feel a bit less clausterphobic? just something to think about. i think many times we CAN control our outlook. that things aren't always HAPPENING to us - that we do have things we can spin and control.
    5. let's go on a date soon and talk about our fantastical futures together. we haven't done that in a while. maybe it's time to revisit the things we've always wanted in the past and see if those things have changed (either by choice or not). let's make a to-do list for our lives and hold each other to it.

    love you the most.

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